you

Sejak beberapa hari ni, nak pejam mata macam satu benda yang sangat susah. Aku asyik terpikirkan si dia. Macam mane lah nanti kalau aku tak ada? Will you be fine..?

60 days and things i have been thinking of.

Another 60 days left. 60. 60. Sounds quite far away. Well, it's afterall two digits. But i perfectly know that 60 days will went by like 2 weeks or so. Tak sedia. I am not. Sangat tak.

Rasenye mcm baru minggu lepas pikir yg bulan 10, mcm lagi 3 bulan away. There are so many things i would like to do. So many things i want to left behind. Tak pernah being away from these familiar faces lebih dr 2 minggu! Ni mcm...... untuk 1 year! such a devastating thing to be think of. Siape nak tolong mak every day. Lepas makan siape nk kemaskn meja. Siape nk urutkn die bile die lenguh kaki? Siape pulak nk dgr ape ayah ckp psl camera? Siape je yg minat in camera like i do. Siape nak tolong mak pegi kedai, belikan barang. Siape nk bg makan puteh and milo. Siape nk bersihkn sangkar burung. Siape jugak nk bgtau mak ade gambar syamel yg baru. Siape? Siape lagi yg nk kena marah balik lambat haha. Takde siape dah.
Puteh, siape nk jage die? Siape nk tido dgn die? Kalau die rase busan nk main, siape nk kacau die? Suddenly everything is passing by slowly. Im trying to capture every single thing in my memory.

The way you speak to me. The way you look at me when you're captivated by how fast i can talk. The way you get mad at me when i did wrong in certain things. And definitely the way our eyes met and thousands of words get spoken without any voices heard. Things that can make me go on when i feel like giving up. Things that keeping me taking one step forward when the truth, i just want to stop. Things that make me go stronger than who i really am. Things that i will definitely have to keep remind myself when they arent there, that they are. Things that certainly i'll feel the loss. Or i would say, that i cant feel the presence of them.

I try not to think bout these too much. But when u say, "if there's a storm coming, you dont run. Instead, you have to know how to dance in the rain" , honestly i would say, i dont know how to dance in the rain. I dont know how to run either.

I just want to pray to god that the storm will not happen. At all.

wiser

Why others easily get mad for reasons that are barely logic? Okay, i get it. You didn't get what you want. But what can i do to give you that? It happens to be, the connection was slow. And i wasn't doing anything to add up the delay. But yet, you blame it on me. Well, you didn't say it but actions speak louder than words, right. Yes. Though you wanted to do something very important, i was using it first. Wasn't i? And i still want to say this. IT WAS NOT MY FAULT!

But whatever. Things are too small to be brought up. Might as well just shut my mouth rather than speaking to you about my dissatisfaction. Well, maybe since it is too late already. And you had a rough day perhaps. So, whatever.

I was just thinking this. Dont let out your anger, about something without thinking it first. I know i did the same thing to. But we have to keep reminding ourselves. Maybe one day - not at instant - we will finally stop and ponder and, do things the right way. Keep improving. Keep improving. There's nothing wrong about it.

well, bad things happened. Maybe we have to spend more time thinking - pros and cons, bad and good, ourselves and others, logic and emotion - and good things might show up.

Good luck.

wow wow wow

so many news in a week. such surprising, morbid, ughhhhhh informations. i wish i never knew.

tsunami

Well sometimes you forget how things went. And the only thing that can make you stay strong without putting yourself in the i-am-not-alive mood is a person. But the person might be disappearing for a while. For some reasons, i am alone. I guess, should be hanging onto myself. Being less dependent. yearp just me. No worries about it though. I am still here. Still waiting. Perhaps, will always.